A Run in the Country

I went for my first run in the country, and when I came home, I announced to Alex that I was never again leaving our house without my phone, a can of mace, boots and bug spray. Here's why:

I had planned for weeks that on the day I was 6 weeks postpartum, I would go for a run. Since I had such an easy labor and delivery with Declan, I was approved to begin exercising early, but nothing intense until 6 weeks. I was dying to get back into shape, but also remembering my first run after Eden. Two months after having Eden, I attempted a run. I made it a quarter of a mile, and was a wheezy, sweaty mess, and feeling undiscovered levels of discomfort in the area that used to be my abs.

So I had somewhat low expectations for my run. Nevertheless, I was excited. I took my car out and measured the shortest trip by road, making a block around our property. It is just under 3 miles. I made note of landmarks every quarter of a mile, so I would know exactly how far I had run.

On the big day, I dressed myself for a good run (running shorts, tshirt, running shoes, ipod). I set up the perfect play list for a run in the country, waited for Alex to get home, then took off. I debated about trying to bring my phone with me, but I couldn't think where to put it, and I had my dog, so I felt safe.

Howie and I got going at a pace just a scooch faster than walking. We encountered some dogs, chickens and beautiful scenery. I made it a half a mile and wasn't blacking out yet, so we kept going. I figured I would get to 3/4 of a mile and then turn around and walk back, feeling pretty proud of myself. At the 3/4 mark, we met another dog. Now Howie is a good sized animal, but this one was bigger... a lot bigger. And he was pretty unnerved by us running by his house. No one out by us would ever dream of fencing their dog, and his owners were nowhere in sight. This dog came charging out at us snarling something fierce. Howie, good boy that he is, looked at me waiting to be told what to do. I knew he would fight this dog off for me, but I also knew he would lose. So, we picked up the pace, with the beast in hot pursuit. Before we met the dog, I had been feeling ready to pass out; but along with the fear of watching my dog ripped to pieces, I found renewed strength. At about the one mile mark, the other dog decided we were far enough away from his property, and turned around and went home.

I was feeling pretty excited about making it a whole mile, until I realized that my plan of going back the way I had come was no longer an option. I was exhausted, and now the shortest way home was another 2 miles... the shortest way by road anyway. We had made 2 turns and were now on the street that runs parallel to ours, behind our house. So I had the brilliant idea of cutting across the fields and coming in at the back of my property. So I walked a little farther down the road to the property behind mine, only to find it covered in "No Trespassing" signs. I decided rather than getting shot, to go down to the next one, then cut across the back where no one would notice me. This was a great idea, until I made it to the back of the property only to find a large creek, too large to jump across. So I walked up and down this creek, walking the full length of the "no trespassing" people's property, until I came to some thick woods.

At this point I was at the narrowest part of the creek, and afraid that if I didn't get out of there, I was going to be shot. So, I tucked my ipod in my waistband, and figured I would jump as far as I could... After all, it was just a creek, how deep could it be? (note: the water was too mucky to see how deep it was) Well, turns out it was waist deep! I got soaked.

Now, I had not dragged Howie with me, thinking that once I jumped he would see how easy it was and follow me over. After seeing me splashing, screaming and scrambling up the other side, though... well, what would you have done if you were him? I stood on the other side of that creek coaxing in my sweetest voice, and scolding in my meanest voice for 10 minutes. Howie laid down on the other side with a look that said, "don't worry Mom, I'm sure you will think of something better." Feeling about ready to cry, I looked around for any other possible solution before wading back through the muck. And lo and behold, to my left, just past the thick trees... there was a bridge.

Having gone across the bridge and gotten my dog, who looked at me as though he were saying, "see Mom, I knew you would come up with something better," I headed toward the home stretch to my property: an open field. From a distance, this field looked like mowed grass. Instead, it was knee deep grass (I should mention, I'm afraid of snakes... and ticks... and was wearing shorts and sneakers). I knew the only way I would keep my nerve and make it across 2 acres of snakes and ticks was to just run and not think.

When we made it to the woods at the back of my property, it was thicker than I remembered. So, I started picking my way through briars and weeds, carefully watching for leaves of three. I didn't make it far before I saw a large hole in the ground. Stepping back I saw that it was part of a mound with a few large holes in it. I had known we had foxes back there, but we had never discovered their den. Feeling like I'd walked into a store to find out it was actually a cover for drug dealers, I turned around and quietly walked away. I entered the woods again, several yards down and headed toward my house. This is where the mosquitos and poison ivy came in... but this story is already too long. Suffice it to say, I got turned around, got lost, was in the woods a long time, and got eaten alive by the bugs. Eventually, instead of seeing the back of my house in front of me, I saw the back of my neighbor's house way down to my left.

I did make it home alive. Alex proclaimed, "There you are! You sure were gone a long time." My response, "I'm going straight to the shower to check myself for leeches and ticks, follow me if you want a good laugh."